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|Patrick Vickery is a Scottish gardner and garden writer. This article
is reprinted on these pages with his permission. To read a bit about Patrick
go here. You can visit his page at
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|Garden Blether Bites February 2003
By Patrick Vickery (Copyright reserved Patrick Vicery)
The Plant Blether
Something to do with the testosterone content. It brings on
the 'Toms' a treat. Good grief, what a thought, but undoubtedly an
excellent conversation stopper should you ever need one.
The Tree Blether
They were "at it" in the woods, doing the same as me, Christmas
time was looming, the spades were out, the goose was getting fat. I even
spotted a tree in the distance bobbing along under its own steam with a most
peculiar loping gait. Surely, I reasoned, somewhere beneath that foliage
there must be a person with a spade, for how else could it move like that
- how else could it move at all!
The Hare Blether
Why not? Saving them for June or July, I expect, by which
time I shall be fenced off. An expensive business - this fencing off
business - a nuisance too, but worth it in the long run, particularly if
a laid-back hare without a care multiplies over time into more of the same.
The Surreal Blether
Surely this was a wind up? A 5.4kg packet of washing powder
is very large, is it not? Not the sort of thing that you would normally
buy for the average family, and most definitely a reinforced trolley item,
not a basket one? Now I know that gardener's are prone to exaggeration -
aren't we all? (Cucumbers the size of cricket bats, tomatoes as big as footballs,
grapes like melons, that sort of thing). But this was taking things a bit
too far if you ask me. Ridiculous in fact.
The Slug Blether
Better nip down to the Garden Centre to buy a chemical to kill them
with, slug pellets, something like that, to further enrich the chemical arsenal
that's already stashed in the garden shed. Just hope the teenagers of the
house don't take up smoking in there, eh, in the garden shed? Chemical concoctions,
cigarettes, matches, could be a mighty explosion in the offing.
(Copyright 2003 Patrick Vickery)
|This page was updated February 27/03|